The Fool - Summer Emerging
Greetings Substack friends and family. I recently passed a threshold that has taken me further into the territory known as Grief. Maybe you know something about this and can teach me?
May marked a year since my father decided to stop speaking to me; and in April my mother used a language to describe me that was so cruel and heartbreaking that I had to block her. Hence, I am no longer in touch with my parents, which has put me into a deep resonance with the difficult terrain of Sorrow, a familiar and strange landscape whose mysterious contours I am getting to know on a daly basis.
My girlfriend Ash introduced me to a way of journaling called two-way journaling. Its a way of dialoging with the Unconscious. I write a question down and the Great Mystery answers back. I’ve been doing this these past few days to try to consciously tend to the infinite shades of Being that Sorrow shows up as.
Sometimes its an aching feeling in my throat; sometimes it’s a small migraine in my right temple. Always, it is a heaviness, a deep sinking feeling that I am learning to write, to stretch, and to sing into expression so that it becomes medicine.
I’m currently enrolled in Joshua Schrei’s Mythic Body course, a year-long program that connects participants to the somatics of myth and storytelling, indigenous wisdom, and how to be a human being in a world gone mad. What does it mean to be in relationship with Nature which creates us and ultimately devours us? How do I devote myself to the Mystery which will, in the end swallow me up. How is sadness and grief an inherent part of that Mystery and what does it reveal about the nature of the Earth? These are just a few of the questions that are comforting me through this strange and heart-stricken time.
And there is music. Oh let us give thanks that there is music. I’ve been on this musical trip for a long time, since birth really. I sense some African deity implanted his spirit in my soul during the Transatlantic Slave Trade. I think about this often. My sense of rhythm is freakishly uncanny and my pores know West African rhythmic time like the back of my hand. I think it was carried over on the ships and somehow made its way to me. I give thanks for this gift every day. It helps me move energy.
Recently I graduated from Tasha Blank’s eight-month PhDJ school and I’m going to start DJing around the city. This Sunday I have a gig from 5-8pm est at Dead Letter Number 9 in Williamsburg. If you live in Brooklyn and you feel inclined to come dance, please do!
Finally, Ive decided to enter into a deep study of Tarot, beginning with the Fool Card which now sits on my altar at home. Special thanks to Eden Sky Orion for her monthly ritualizing of the new and full moons which has deepened my sense of the music of the cosmos. Every day I begin my day with the Lakota tradition of saying blessings to the 7 directions, and every full moon I honor the trek of the phases of the moon.
I have decided to deepen my awareness by contemplating the meaning of a tarot card every full moon. The Fool card will be on my altar until the next full moon in Capricorn. This card is a beautiful place to start, because it represents new beginnings, innocence, and a leap of faith. It is about open-mindedness and curiosity as we navigate our way through the unknown.
Grief is a Mystery, a portal, a bardo. In The Wild Edge of Sorrow, Francis Weller says that each one of us “must learn the art and craft of grief, discover the profound ways it ripens and deepens us…calls us to full heartedness.” I am sitting with the ways in which the Fool and Grief are the same card in a sense and I remain humbly in devotion to their teachings.
My offerings
Tonight at Sugar Mouse in NYC at 7:30pm, I’ll be sharing some songs. If you’re in town, I’d love to see you.
This Sunday, June 7, at Dead Letter Number 9 in Williamsburg, I’ll be DJing from 5pm - 8pm est. Come say a blessing to the spirits, have a drink, and bless me with your dance.
Next Wednesday, I’ll be hosting a two-hour How to Sing workshop from 7pm to 9pm est on zoom. We’ll use improv techniques to loosen our inhibitions and give way to song! You can get tickets here.
Thank you for reading and for the gift of your attention. 🌸
Oh, and I can't wait to dance with you!
Highly recommend the Between the Worlds podcast with Amanda Yates Garcia, old episodes she goes on a deep dive with every tarot card. A friend recommended this to me and it's so insightful.